On the End of Things
My Daniel Fast ends tomorrow, but you know what? I've got half a mind to keep on with it. I don't mind telling you, I've had to become a lot more mindful of the grub I smash into my gob on a daily basis, and it's done wonders. I don't mean the weight loss, although I have lost about ...10 lbs, I think? Or even the assorted other health benefits (I just feel cleaner, somehow. Less ...I don't want to say "polluted," because I am not someone who likes to label food "good" or "bad" (or likewise, think of myself as "bad" if I eat things that aren't super healthful -- but nevertheless, I do feel like there is less gunk in the pipes, etc. etc. etc.). I just mean that I like the idea of being more aware of what I do. More active, rather than reactive. It sits well with me.
Spiritually, I do feel like I made some important breakthroughs and received some crucial guidance. That's what this was all about. The rest was just ancillary. But the nature of the beast being what it is, it's not surprising that the desires of the body should reassert themselves and clamor for attention. Grub, grub, grub. It's amazing how much energy someone (me) in a rich, industrialized nation, with little to no food insecurity can still expend on the type and quantity of grub they plan to shove in the ol' gob.
It's also astonishing how many people felt the need to try to force me back into old patterns (encouraging me to cheat, etc) or just generally undercut what I was doing by constantly fucking bringing up what I was missing -- as if a couple of weeks without chocolate or red wine were akin to leaving a pound of flesh at the church door. For goodness sakes.
I've got a cheap bottle of white wine to "celebrate" the end of the fast, but a) I may not drink any; and b) I don't really feel like celebrating as such. I think I really just felt like I had to do something to mark the occasion, but was unsure what else to do. Eating some meat or cheese right now seems horrible.