Monday, December 29, 2008

The Things You Find

Eight Different Futures

I THINK there are eight different futures. I can’t prove it because it’s not really a fact but it’s definitely true. Once I ate too much of that Bonne Maman apricot jam, the one with the tablecloth pattern on the lid and real bits of fruit inside. It was so tasty I ate just jam for about three weeks until the brain damage kicked in and after that pretty much everything was sticky and sweet and waaaarm. Anyway I had no mates so noone called the paramedics for ages and of course during that time I was deep in the jamvoid and I saw some of the futures.

One of them was called George and he had a cool hat like you sometimes see anglers wearing and anyway most of the time it looked like an army ranger hat but then the other times he turned up the brim and it made him look like a
totally gay sailor. I asked him why he kept changing it around and he said it wasn’t him it was non deterministic probability and the uncertainty principle that was doing it or maybe not even doing anything to it at all. I said WELL I wasn’t certain about THAT at all mate and we had a good laugh me and future number one George. Even so he turned out to be a bit of a wanker after a while cos there’s only so many stories about his time on safari or his villa on the Costa del Sol that you can take when you’re in a hallucinogenic nightmare world so I just wandered off into the futuredesert to find myself for a bit like Jesus only I did it for about forty minutes not days cos I figured I’d pretty much cracked it after that see. So now I’d done that I was going to look for the Wizard of Oz but I couldn’t remember if he was real or not and if he was real would he be more likely to be in my jamvision or less likely and just as I was about to ask the tin man what his thoughts on the matter were when I got zapped with them electropads by Margaret from the St Johns after the Avon lady had got a bit concerned about the orange goo smeared all over the inside of the windows and called the police. Don’t fuckin worry I told em it’s fucking produit en France mate! All that shit is super incroyable with me! I’ve been to the shittin’ future boys! DIABETES AAAAHHHH.

There are times that I am so glad for the internet.

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