Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Cowboy Up

A hearty cup of wassail to all you lovely bitches who wrote in or called to express sympathy with my tale of Christmas woe -- especially because none of you surrendered to the well-deserved urge to holler that I should man the hell up and quit bitchcaking about having to spend the holidays with my family and while I'm at it, I should recognize that it's a blessing that I even had the money to spend on that motherfucking plane ticket, so I should get a little fucking perspective, ok?

None of you said that, and for that I am profoundly grateful. Even though it definitely needed saying. Also, none of you have yet complained over the fact that I never seem to post anything but tirade-laden first drafts of anything anymore, so kudos for not pointing that out, either. I'm certain that a lot of those commas and semi-colons and shit weren't there when I originally typed that last post; is it possible that Blogger is adding them? Weird.

So, I made it to Spokane. I'm going to post photos later if I can, because you gotta see my brother's house. He's 25, people! It's ridiculous how well he's doing in life. I'm so proud of my little scallopini. Fun fact: his house costs $922/mo. I bet some of that money I spent buying plane tickets here is subsidizing some housing up in this piece. Less than a thousand bucks for a HUGE 3 bedroom house? I would sign up, but as I believe I made clear in my last post, I hate this fucking town.

Anyway, I've reconciled myself to the fact that I am going to be spending my birthday outside Yakima, WA -- it was pretty easy once I realized that I was just going to stay drunk the whole day. Anyone who doesn't like it can kiss my natural black ass. It's gonna be my birthday!

So, all in all, things are turning out ok. My dad has put a little weight on, which is good, because he gets really stick-like and emaciated when he frets. I'm going to pick up Iron Fist when I get out of here and we'll spend the first couple of days exorcising a little 2008 pon farr. Whorelando, Fergus, and Bernie are all going to be getting their Xmas Xpressions late, but I think they'll all be pleased once they receive them.

It's been absolutely the worst year ever. But it looks like it won't end too badly. Or as I like to say to Hiller: "when you've been face down in the shit for long enough, just flipping over onto your back is a huge improvement."

Next up: mottos for 2009! Yes, people! It's that time of year again! Get your nominations in!

No More Cheap Wine in 2009
Taking What's Mine in 2009
Watch Me Opine in 2009
Nickel-and-Dimed in 2009
Accruing No Fines in 2009
Walking the Line in 2009


VanDyke said...

A couple of contributions:

-The Fault's Not Mine in 2009
-Things Will Be Fine in 2009
-Wake Up on Time in 2009 (more of a personal goal, really...)
-No More Whine in 2009
-No More Wine in 2009
-No Time To Pine in 2009
Back To The Mine in 2009
And, finally, my favorite:

Enemies: Know Thine in 2009

Adams said...

Bernie, I salute you.