The fuck is she always smirking for?
There were good 'n' plenty things that I lovedlovedloved about my Star Trek weekend, but before we trip gaily down that road, let me hip you to the things that were emphatically not the business.
1) The dudes [that’s right, this ish happened more than once] who, upon seeing me at the bar with VC (Asian) and Tania (white) felt compelled to exclaim: “Oh My God, you guys are hot like a Benetton ad.” Hey, Chad? I got a message from 1987 here; it wants your fashion mall fetishization back. Also, American Apparel wants to know if you want a job. Thehellouttahere with that tired line, you fucking fool.
2) Nana Visitor (Major Kira): I liked this character better when her name was Ensign Ro and she was giving Captain Picard grief. When the Rene Auberjonois-Armin Shimmerman Q&A ended and whippet-thin Nana sashayed on stage to belt out some Elaine Stritch-style cabaret numbers, I had to 23 skidoo. I wish Major Kira could have been on Vogager, so I could have ignored her more completely.
3) I saw no [black] Uhuras. Not a single one. Other chicks in Uhura’s “Mirror, Mirror” uniform do not count! There was supposed to be a contingent of Uhuras-in-Training at this con, and I didn’t see nary a one, dammit!
4) I had to buy an iron. The Last Chance Motel we stayed in (which had a worrying, crime-y kind of smell on the first night) lied and said they had one, and then failed to produce. Why did I need an iron for the weekend, you ask? To iron a transfer of Hot Leering Spock From “Charlie X” onto my super awesome homemade pencil skirt.That joint was the only concession I was making to constuming for the weekend, so an iron had to be bought.
5) BoyChen’s unauthorized shuttle craft mission to the Four Queens. I had to bust his ass back down to ensign when he returned at 7 in the morning, broke, busted, and disgusted. Ah, the rigors of command.