You guys don't need to worry about me. I am able to have "normal" conversations and deal with the day-to-day bullshit that comes up. For instance: my roommate has been out of the country for the past 3 weeks, and it is starting to make her cats fucking insane. I asked Orlando for help.
Tuesday, 10 June --
Jugo: Also! Do you have some advice on how I can get the cats to leave me alone? They are fine most of the day (I guess – I’m not home to see) and then for most of the night. But around 1
am, they both feel a pressing need to climb on my face and claw my lips (I don’t think it’s malicious, but I don’t know what it's about) and sit on my forehead. It's terrible. And my allergies are going crazy. I pick them up and put them off my bed (and face), but they just jump right back up. And because it’s late at night and I am so sleepy, my eyes start to close like in Treasure of the Sierra Madre, and then I open them and the fucking cats are getting closer and closer
and then there they are – raking my lip and climbing on my fucking face. It sucks so bad. Victoria is out of town for the rest of the week, but I gotta take care of this right away. I am not getting any sleep. This goes on ALL NIGHT. This morning the only thing that scared Cosette away is when I finally flipped and hissed at her. Help me. You know a lot about cats.
Orlando: Have you tried a spray bottle filled with water? You might have to put up with them for a few nights until they learn that visiting you in the middle of the night means getting wet. There is also some spray out there that cats are supposed to react to on a pheromonal level. It's it's a repellant that's supposed to keep cats from getting on stuff like your couch. You can't smell it, but they can. It never worked on Gato at the shelter, but it might work for you. I think it can be had at pet supply stores. i'll check the name of the stuff Rene tried at work.
Jugo: Man, I can’t wait to bust that cat in the fucking face with that water bottle
Orlando: I hope it works.
Jugo: Just to confirm – I am not going to punch the cat. Just shoot it in the face
Wednesday, 11 June --
Jugo: I got a water pistol shaped like an elephant and exercised the
nuclear option on those punk cats
Orlando: It worked?
Jugo: Paul Fussell would have been proud