Sunday, March 23, 2008

This Far and No Further

My friend, Paul, and I were talking earlier about this guy on whom I have a paper-crush [which is to say, I've never met this person but I like to weave fanciful tales for Paul about what will happen when I successfully seduce this French-Canadian bastard] and Paul, who likes to torment me, asked me how I would deal with it if this guy--let's call him Jean-Luc--brought me back to his pad and wooed me with good wine and witty conversation and then ambled over to the stereo and started playing some Steely Dan. The answer is, I would jump out of a window and run for the street. I can't stand Steely Dan. This makes me some kind of renegade in black bohemian circles, apparently, as along with Teena Marie and Led Zeppelin we're all supposed to be cool with the Dan. Bump that. I'll turn in my card. Steely Dan is the biggest of deal breakers for me. Steely Dan makes me want to kill people in the face. While I was having this conversation with Paul, another colleague revealed that he didn't mind Steely Dan at all; but this was after he copped to admiring Camille Paglia, so I had cut him loose already.

Family! What are your deal-breakers?


Electric Mayhem said...

Steely Dan is made for people who live in Scottsdale and work at and don't hate it. They drive beige Camrys. They don't understand irony. They wear Crocs out to dinner at Outback Steakhouse. They vacation at Sandles resorts and drink pina coladas and enter limbo contests. "Crazy sex" to them is doggy style.

I'd pay money to see Camille Paglia hate-fuck the bassist from Steely Dan. So yeah, I'm with you on this one, Broc.

Happy Easter, everyone!

thptpth said...

Thank you! Thank you!

KB is in straight-man-love with Steely Dan. I cannot even stand to hear the opening riff of...well, anything by them, really.

I've had boyfriends/significant others convert me from "indifference-verging-on-distaste" to "fan" of MANY other slightly-edgy (I hate the word "alternative") artists like Tom Waits, Elvis Costello, and Steve Earle, but I will never, NEVER be a fan of the Dan. There's just something so smug and smarmy about them.


Anonymous said...

Dire Straits is a deal breaker for me...Money for Nothing and Chick for Free makes me churn on the inside. That and someone who want to live in the suburbs in a 3,000 square foot house basically made of plywood and steel siding. BLAH.

Anonymous said...

I'm gonna have to cook on some Pink Floyd, sorry I don't get it, won't ever, not interested, and don't care. And thanks for the Steely Dan hates, I needed that.

Adams said...

Hoov, you need to sneak up on KB one night while he is sleeping and pinch his nostrils shut. As he fights his way to consciousness, tell him that Steely Dan is to blame.

Anonymous, I can't stand Pink Floyd, either, but I can tune that crap out. You can't tune out the Dan. You know what else you can't tune out? Guys who work in IT who like to tell you how cool it is that Fagen and Co. named their band Steely Dan, man, because, like, you know what that means?

Admiral Neck said...

All 60s Brit pop is vile, except for Them. Awful winkle-picker-wearing slime. I have the awful hatred for it. there's a lot of US stuff from that period that makes me cry too.

Zach said...

In complete agreement about Steely Dan. Gaaaahgh.
I have about a billion other deal breakers. Because I'm inwardly neurotic. A recent example: a guy said "granite" when he should have said "granted" and so I said "I'm out."