Monday, July 30, 2007

Don't Bring None...Won't Be None

So, I'm in training for another race, and I've been working out with my boss, Brigitte. Brigitte is French, and is she is so gangsta in a way you would not believe. She just left a message on my voicemail that said, "put down that drink and start having some water! You need to be at my house at 6 tomorrow to run....ha, seriously, call me if there is any problem...[silence, then ominous voice]...there won't be any problem."

I guess there won't be any problem, family. I'm going to bed. I gotta run in the morning.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

The BBC: Bitches Be Cryin'

Lawd Jesus, I just finished watching season two of Doctor Who, family! Don't you know that the final scene with Rose and the Doctor had me feeling raw emotion. And you know how I hate that!

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Still, I am all about Martha Jones, the companion who succeeds Mizz Tyler in season three.
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Now come on, folks! I used to rock that hairstyle all the time! You know that's supposed to me in the Tardis!

Friday, July 20, 2007

It Takes All Kinds Of Vegetables

Outside of the themes from The Jeffersons and Good Times, this is, by far, the funkiest piece of candy from the 70s. Thank me later*.

Theme from Vegetable Soup

* I know that no one else remembers this show, but I remember 70s children's tv very well.

Ain't You Got No Gingerbread

Ladies, I'm sorry to do this to you, but gatdamn! Why didn't somebody tell me that Khia had an advice column in Hood magazine? I got questions, and she got answers.

In response to a dude who asked what he should do about his girlfriend of 7 months, who "hadn't even let him glance at the pussy":

What's really Hood Mike? This sounds like some Jerry Springer shit, 7 months without even a glance at the pussy what is that about, you sure she's not a man? I know you said she has two kids but damn are they her's? You know there's a lot of punks out here getting ass shots and tittie jobs but for real you say you ain't feel no ass, titties or nothing. What is she saying about this because something in the milk ain't clean. What is she telling you when you try and get some, damn I'm lost for words. Well all I can say is if you really care about her talk to her and find out what's really going on and why she's holding back. Tell her your needs as a man and let her know how you feel cause shit she's going to have to drop them panties sooner or later and I hope she ain't hiding a dick under there. Shit maybe she's waiting for marriage this time you say she has two kids already, maybe she wants to do it right this time and if so you better start shopping for a ring or move...Next!!!!!

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Peoples, you know I'm like a See&Say. Now that the phrase "something in the milk ain't clean" has entered my life, I hope it never leaves.

*this post courtesy of Dame Freshalina at Crunk & Disorderly. I owe that broad my everything.

I don't know what I'm more in love with: the notion that a chick who is uninterested in sex must actually be trans, or the fact that a copyeditor just said " know what? Eff grammar" and let that piece run as is.

And yes you do know who Khia is. She's the one responsible for this chanson d'amour:

Ok, and just to wrap up this "Not Safe For Work/Why Did Ebony Bother Coming Back From Hiatus With This Bootleg Post," let me ask you who the fluck bothered to try to sync up the explicit version of "My Neck, My Back" with the non-explicit video? Again, someone is just walking around in a bathrobe, smoking Newports and mumbling "eff effort, main."