Wednesday, July 05, 2006

For the Record

This picture is the funniest motherfucking thing I've ever seen. If they make these...hand puppet whatevers in brown skin tones, I am ordering them shits and then getting pregnant yesterday.

And speaking of getting pregnant and other drastic body changes that make you feel like shit in the summertime, I quit smoking again. As you may or may not know -- and may or may not care -- I quit last year around this time (16 July 2005, to be precise) and my lazyass bitchass nodisciplineass didn't even make it a full year without those cancer sticks, y'all. In my defense: my defense. Literally. I had to finish a dissertation and defend it, bitches. For the prosecution: life itself, which sucks its teeth, rolls its eyes, and mumbles, "suck it up, ho. I'm hard now, I was hard yesterday, and I'll be hard tomorrow. Don't walk with a crutch that will wind up tripping you."

I still have not found a [semi][permanent] place to live. I've been cohabiting with the boys now for about...4 months? It's ridiculous. The other day, I climbed out of [what is not] my bed and walked straight into a wall of "Check Yourself." I was like, "what in the fuck am I still doing here?! This is not my house!" Of course, I don't have a house. Because I never have time to go look for one. Nevertheless, I am on a mission. New digs by August, yo. Yeah, I said August. Can you believe that's not even a full month away, now? Where did my summer go? And where's the summer body I promised myself?

And speaking of summer bodies, the only other thing you need to know is that I've come over all Ripley (Ellen Ripley that is, not The Talented Mr.)
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and have made some promises to myself that involve being more powerful, more fierce, more confrontational, and more indestructible through the end of 2006. Because you remember the winning motto of the year, right? Actually, I don't either. But let's pretend that the winning motto is: Suck No Dicks in 2006. I'm obviously talking metaphorical dicks here, kids. You can suck all the literal penii you can fit in your ...ok, "going Ripley" is also going to mean no more stupidass jokes. So I'm not even going to finish what I was going to say.

on edit: I just got my first trolling anonymous message! Bitches, I've arrived!


zach said...

I think the actual motto is what's tagged on the wall near my office: "Rise up 666 in 2006!"

But since we've already survived 6/6/06 like it was Y2K, then I suspect we're in the clear.

Unless you want to take on the figurative 666 within, in which case, rise up all you like.

Thanks for the update and happy home hunting!

Anonymous said...

bitch u at crunk and disorderly, tryna get a moe, aint nobody on ya site!!

AimeeG said...

You have too many blogs!