Thursday, May 04, 2006

Them Sumbitches Trying To Kill Me


My dissertation defense is ONE WEEK, yo! The time for pointing out administrative obstacles is PAST! What the fuck?!

I just got an email from the Graduate School informing me that I have a course listed on my degree program form (ENGL 8240: The Public And Private in Shakespeare, in case you care) for which I took an incomplete, and if I want to proceed to the defense, I must either have this course stricken from my degree program (requires a petition, natch) or have the instructor assess a grade.

To give you some sense of how "what the fuck?" this is, consider the following:

1. I took that course in my first year of graduate school -- that is, the 1996-97 scholastic year. Now, I remember taking that class, and I remember the paper I was going to write for that class.* I also remember that the reason I didn't finish that paper was because I got very, very sick at the tail end of my first year, and actually wound up going to the hospital, losing a bunch of weight, generally flaking out on schoolwork. I always intended to finish and turn in that paper, but man, the time for that shit is past. I wouldn't even know where in the world to find Dr. Haley to deliver it. Plus, FYI: my defense is in a week. I'm not writing any more bullshit papers, people! Isn't that the fucking point of finishing?! When will I actually be finished?!

2. You would think that, with all the hoops you have to jump through to even get this far (of the "you can't file this form until you file this form -- but you can only get that form once this sequence of forms has been shit out by the rare Crackalacka bird of Johnston Hall and anyway, you're never getting out of here, ho" variety), how is it that no one noticed that I had to take care of this until, you know, right now? I was finished with my course work 3 years ago (5, if you don't count the occasional and non-required dissertation-writing seminar I took to help me get my diss written). How about signing off on some shit as we go, people!

Anyway, I'm back to campus tomorrow to have Mowitt sign the form, and then pray that the DGS is around so he can sign it, and then...I'm sure something else will come up before next Thursday.

* It was to be a consideration of Caliban's entry into language (in The Tempest, Prospero and his daughter ...oh, blah blah blah, I don't even want to get into it. Suffice it to say, he and his daughter teach Caliban to speak, thus provoking great lines like "“You taught me language; and my profit on’t is, I know how to curse.") being his initiation into both public discourse (culture and civilisation) as well as his development of a private self. That is, he did not exist prior to his Lacanian utterance. Eh? Eh? Come on! That shit is dope! I was mixing in all kinds of intro-to-theory bs there, and what's more, I actually knew what I was talking about.


Electric Mayhem said...

Good lord, my heart was racing just reading this, and it's not even MY drama.

zach said...

I hope this particular episode is already behind you.
And the really important thing I'd like to say is: Good Luck! You'll be fantastic, I'm sure of it. Go in there with confidence and kick some fuokh-ing ass!

For the record, I already call you Doctor (though of what, I'll not share in mixed company, as this is a family blog, no?).

The Humanity Critic said...

Cool blog, just passing through.