Friday, January 27, 2006

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Pour Myself a Cup of Ambition

The first in a series of guest lectures designed with you, my reader, in mind.

Ambition Adams' Shit to Get You Straight

#1. Wear scrubs. All the time. There's almost no personal grooming issue or hangover-related eye bags that don't take on new meaning if the people with whom you come into contact think that you are an exhausted doctor or nurse or -- better yet -- dedicated and disciplined young medical student. I practically live in scrubs now.

This only counts if you wear traditional scrubs. None of that cutesy patterned bullshit. You can bag armfuls of the old blues 'n' greens at your local Goodwill for about 3 bucks a shot. Or, if you are lucky enough to have a Goodwill outlet, where they sell clothes by the damn POUND, you can completely revamp your wardrobe and garner a little much needed (if ill-deserved) respect for about 10 bucks.

--Ambition Adams, figuring this shit out, so your broke ass don't have to--

More info on today's guest lecturer can be found here.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Mother's Little Helper

I'm addicted to the BBC.

This goes way beyond the anglophilia of my youth, when I'd stay indoors and watch painfully unfunny British sitcoms (or rather, funny maybe the first time around, but progressively less so on subsequent viewings and yes I'm looking at you Are You Being Served?) or try on a "Cockernee" accent (ok, I want you to imagine that kids, because if you think a ten year old black girl trying to be James Spader is funny, you can only imagine how truly awesome it must have been for people watching me attempt to be Eric Idle. And if you're saying to yourself "but Eric Idle is not a Cockney" then you are beginning to get a sense of the fractured way I consumed UK culture. But whatever, man. You don't know me!)

So, anyway, I spend 9 hours a day pulling levers and stamping forms and disconnecting vaccuum tubes and answering calls at the Ministry of Information and it would all be absolutely unbearable if it were not for BBC Radio. I have my headphones on all day, and woe betide the a-hole who interrupts me when I'm listening to Lord Peter Wimsey finesse a case or Jonathan Ross expound on old ladies' bras or Armando Iannucci skewer some ludicrous phenomena on The Charm Offensive.

I listen to radio dramas. I listen to comedies that used to be on the television but have been remade for radio. I listen to panel games. I listen to history shows. I listen to scientific shows. I listen to talk shows, documentaries, call-ins, one-offs, long-running series, and interviews.

I can't stop myself. Furthermore, I don't want to. The last time I poked my head out and listened to the background noise at work, I heard someone say "It's weird, isn't it? How you can have the same birthstone as someone, but have a different astrological sign?"

I also listen to Car Talk, This American Life, Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant (better than the later podcasts available on Guardian Unlimited, which are largely a retread to my mind, but anyway, you can download those here) and the occasional T.D. Jakes sermonette here. If you are fixing your mouth to say something about that, don't even go there because I don't want to hear it. Jesus and I got it on lock, so just relax.

If, however, you want to talk to me about the weirdly unsettling megachurch phenomenon, the conscription of black clergy into neo-conservative power plays, or just what in the world is going on with some of [black] gospel music's biggest stars (somebody please explain Donnie McClurkin to me), then please do speak your peace, because I do want to hear about that.

Interesting. I'd Have Thought David Lynch

Hmmmm. You know what? I think that having Woody Allen direct the story of your life qualifies as a "lake street let down."

Post moved to mirror site here.

Friday, January 06, 2006

There's a Leak in This Ol' Building

Not 24 hours after I told Orlando that I was getting rid of my car because I couldn't afford to fix one more thing on it, some fuckah broke in through the passenger side window and stole the stereo.

No worries, though. I'm having White Jimmy come out and effect some repairs.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Oooooh, No I Didn't


Do not post a picture that ain't yours on a post that ain't done without posting the proper credit. The picture accompanying the post about my McSweeney's submission came from here. You gotta check it out, kids. I mean the joy on my girl's face is so simple and sweet...but the spider web 'do pictured there (from another Hair Wars show) is quite simply the fiercest thing you have ever seen.

Thanks to Danyel for reminding me that I posted that today. Because Lord, I wish that was me in that picture, but it ain't. Also, if the Danyel who commented is the Danyel I think she is, then you should be reading her book, not this blog.

Which reminds me of something else. Next post: the black-o-sphere. What my brothers and sisters in the e-verse are writing these days, and who you should be checking out.

Those of you waiting for future musings on James Spader are obviously going to have to wait a little longer.


Things I’m Going to Say More Often in 2006

You’re a Jerk
Screw You
No, That’s Not OK
Do You Have Any Spare Change?

My Writing Career is White-Hot, Yo


Tuesday, January 03, 2006

The 52 in Fifty Two

There are a lot of things I hope to accomplish in the '06 (current contender for the motto: "My Car Will Probably Need to be Fix-ed in 2006-ed"), but among the many -- and there isn't anywhere near 52, but the number probably is in the low teens -- is the commitment to go chemical-free with my hair. Hair and hair issues continue to be a huge psychic investment for the peoples of the diaspora, and it's not possible for a woman of color to straighten her hair, chemically or superficially via heating irons, and do so without making a political statement. But she is likewise unable to do style her hair "naturally" without that, too, coming to "mean" something. It's a topic I'm very interested in, and I'll be talking more about it here in the future. But anyway, for me, right now, I gotta do what it do. You feel me? So, I made the decision to go chemical free (which for me right now, with my busy schedule, means staying in braids continually) in October of '05. I'm hoping to have a very happy nappy-versary come October '06, kids.

Anyway, if y'all need to break down your own resolutions, revolutions, and evolutions in the new year, why not try one of the following? Your girl will probably be right there with you, attempting to get some things right.

The 101 in 1001
The inspiration behind the inspiration for the 52 in Fifty Two(I got it from Jason Toney over at Negro, Please if you really want to know

photo courtesy of

Monday, January 02, 2006

You're Kidding Me!

Just Because I Stopped Shaving, I'm a Lunatic?!

I'm Charles the Mad. Sclooop.
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

Big Year-End Crap Up (part two, bitches)

Sorry about the delay, dorklies. But I was recoverin' from my rockin' New Year's Rockin' Eve, or something. What actually happened was, I watched Star Wars Episode Two: Attack of the Wack, and I've just now found that life is still worth living. Anyway, let's not stand on ceremony; let us neither stand upon the order of our going. To wit -- let's finish what we started, ok?


4. I finished the bulk of the diss. I'd estimate that, a disciplined and focused 3 weeks should wrap that carcass up in pretty academic paper and end it. I got the requested extension from the graduate school (more on that later, if I'm able to bury the hate enough to recap recent diss drama coherently), so, with any luck, I should be able to finally, finally, FINALLY put this colicky baby to bed. So, yeah-- for those of you who were wondering, that one certain someone did finally get back to me, and the committee stuff is now all worked out. Except I've probably just jinxed myself by writing that. Dammit!

5. Mark Lamarr wants to marry me, y'all. Fa sho and fa real. The Lake Street Get Down: Mark It Down

6. Fergus and Paul did it! They got hitched! The most beautiful boys I know declared their love before God and man and drunken ho and they committed their lives to each other! I'll post some pictures here once I secure the permission of the dynamic duo.

7. Bernadette got an excellent job modelling Communist head tattooes.

The BAD:

1. As I said, I'll fill you in on the details later, but the fact that I was not able to defend this diss before the end of 2005 makes me want to windmill punch my way down the street.

2. Still broke as a joke.

3. Still not living in L.A.

Anyway, all in all, I'd say I came up a winner this year. And if not a winner, I walked away with my hands clean and my conscience clear. You can't ask for more than that, can you?